'Pichala Janam'!

Title courtesy- Aman Dua urf Peace!

The last few weeks have given me a dimension to life that i have known but not explored much, the concept of 'Pichala Janam' or past lives that supposedly define the life we are currently living.  Books like Brien Weiss' Many lives, many masters talks about past life regression therapy which has been found to cure phobias, current life medical problems and many unidentified yet prolonging syndromes!

                                                 
The book shares the author's uncanny experiences in a very simple way but the new insight has given me a look into my own current life and i have started wondering more about the people who were, are and might be coming and their imporatnce in my life, the lessons they made me learn, the way they shaped my life and why some of them left so early and without a trace are questions plaguing me for a while now! I really wish i had answers to why, what, how, who, which and when!

Family, friends, love were all strangers at some point of time, then how did they become so familiar? How did we get into their lives which affected our life too? Where are still others who have disappeared? And why some appear again and again? Why some manage to give sweetest and warmest memories while others leave a sour taste? Why some understand us so well when others don't? Why some are lucky to get away with their wishes and others have to fight hard?

The only conclusion that i draw of this vast topic is just live your life in the most simple way, loving everyone who comes into your life, following the correct order of things and earning respect in your endeavours! That is how i see it atleast as of now!

Surely, we have met before? Ain't we? You remember?

A conversation that was indeed special!

'Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are?'

Google images

                                                              

A kindergarden poem that goes like this is a memory that we all hold dear and definitely many such memories form a part of life that we all live and cherish. A part of these wonderful memories are conversations that we tend to have as we are growing up and even after we have grown up to remind us that there is no best thing than to share our experiences, emotions and situations with people who are so dear. It could be family, friends or even acquaintances on a journey giving us good moments that are indeed special.

A life that has no such memories is not worth living and a life where even after such memories, its not shared is even more of a curse because conversations are the best way to bring out the innermost feelings that are always true.

Whether, over a cuppa of coffee or on a social networking site or a simple one-to-one phone or message talk, the sharing of life is indeed a very special way to reinstate the fact about the way we respect and value a part of ourselves, whether it is sweet or bitter, good or bad, beautiful or ugly!

It may just be a conversation but the effect it has on the soul is commendable. The relief it provides is a welcome respite from sorrows that overpower the peace of mind and joys that accompany flashbacks of stories and incidents are even more good memories of life that give strength during testing times.

An ice-breaking session on the first day of school, college, office, or even camps are no less carried out for the same purpose. Conversations matter simply because they are the best ways to get to know the other person and even understand oneself in a much better way. I remember a friend who shared her childhood experience with the whole batch and i could sense a smile that was so unique to her, a kind of enigma that was lost in a world which was not her place, her memories and her life.

A heart to heart coversation after a long time with a dear friend made me realise how badly i had missed those times that we shared and valued. The emotions were mutual but the conversations took us to a part that we generally avoided to talk about and yet we talked about it and got to know the matters of concern.

 

A memory of life that we tend to cherish is about our first love and talking to an elderly person, a friend cum philosopher cum guide with a smiling face and a magnificent aura made me realise how much that love means to me and the invaluable joy that sharing such a personal thing holds. An advise to wait and understand my own self in times when i was close to breaking down made me realise the value that solutions come only when we tend to open up to solve the complex emotions that accompany them.

Just a playful conversation about times to come can also be so close to heart if only we give time and respect the person with whom you had or are sharing your life. Its very important to remember that relations only build up and continue to be strong if given time to nurture and conversations are an inextricable part of the time shared.

So just sit back and start conversing and value each word that matters so lot!

How i ought not to be!

Its a pain that has been there all my life, a story that has been never towards happiness but survival, a part of my life that i ought not to respect but i cannot throw it away!

Yes, i feel jealous when i see happy families, loving couples leading a beautiful life with minor tiffs that just are a part and parcel of life and indeed are important for all the relationships to work forever. I feel neglected when i see children calling 'Home sweet home' with a content family, a doting father and an independent and loving mother who shower all the love if not money.
I have got time from my parents, but what is the use? They never have given me a space that i call our own. I am not allowed to speak whatever comes into my mind, there's no open forum that many of my friends and their families have. Yes, i love my parents, but its more out of respect and duty towards them as the only child of the family, their only daughter.

                                                                              

OKAY, may be i was at fault that i could not have the love i see in other families but what about their own? Between them? There haven't been one single day that they haven't fought or have not criticised each other, whether as an individual, man v/s woman, or simple daily incidents related to cooking, eating, going out and what not. They don't need a reason to start a fight, a reason of not making a coffee early in the morning, has my appa with extreme tempers even while amma does not feel well. If a day goes without fighting, expect it to be the lull before the storm. I have always imagined a time when there would not be any fighting, any violence, prayed to thousands of lords and gods and goddesses in all the temples, even at my place, even begged both of them to stop it atleast for my sake, but the time when they say, they will be happy only if one of them goes away forever, either 'death' or divorce or mutual separation after i am settled is a thing that has never let me settle in what most people call, 'Home sweet home'. Every day, i get up with a thought that please, let everything be alright, happy and healthy but i tremble with fear and helplessness when mornings begin with fights that start for the sake of it! There have been very few days in a month where i get up with a smile and an assurance that they would be happy with each other even if they are not happy with me.


One of my greatest desires in life is to see both happy, healthy always and caring towards each other, without unwanted shouts and violence that seems to have no boundaries but alas, no luck, nothing seems to work.
From the time, i began to understand the world, i dreamt of a perfect family, but i have a family that is next to imperfect, i have no issues, i am happy, i just want them to respect each other if not LOVE!

So, i know for sure, how i ought not to be and i desire a life partner, not a life threat. I await a life full of happiness and true promises, a home that i can call my very own, a life that i can share with no fears and tears!

Its a long wait!

An open letter that talks about a wait that seems longer as an important milestone of my life's journey is approaching and yet i do not know, what you think about me!

Yes, its a long wait! I have been waiting!

to hear a story that has been going on with you, far far from me, a story of your life that means so lot to me! A story that means all the more special when it comes from you, a story that needs to be told by you and you have kept me waited all this time, never told me what it is that you need to share but you haven't.

Do i value so less?

Don't take me wrong, its a wexed heart that speaks like that even when the love is still there. Many call it blind and unrealistic, still i manage to value it because i understand that this is love, may be not at its best but still, it is love!

Atleast give me an answer to those times we shared together, i value each and every moment that you made me realise my own worth, i really wish, you think it over just like i do each day, each hour, each second. I said, am waiting, yes, i am still being patient, but your reciprocation is highly needed because i feel the pain of a distance that was there never before and i ought to know the story of this distance from you and that is why, i wait, all the more!

Understand, life is wonderful when i have you with me in our very own space, that space has a story, it wants to share with you , so your presence is all the more needed! Understand, a beating heart that loves to hear from you, your stories and the silence that follows them. Understand, life is all about story-telling and it means a whole lot more when the narrator is You! Understand, the wait of a smile that comes to my face only when you have a story to tell! Understand, time is precious and a loving request from my heart's story that begs you to spend it with me!

                                                                                                        

Wait....wait.....and wait for a story of a lifetime!   A longing to be with you forever and ever, a heart and soul that beats for you!

 A loving wait!!!

You still remain the true CHAMPIONS!

It was heartbreaking! It was sad! It was close.....Yes, we could have won! Yes.......it would have been a hattrick....Yes......it would have been a new record and awesome it would have been.that particularly dependent on a few players' heroics to make it count. CSK has been the the most consistent and well-balanced team throughout all the Indian Premier League editions with a superb winning percentage.

Its a big deal infact to have been in 4 out of 5 finals and winning two out of them. The team has been so well composed that it has always managed to cross the line and make it to the

Indeed, 27th may 2012 would be remembered by any ardent fan and even 'AC' of CHENNAI SUPERKINGS as a well fought final ending sadly in defeat against the Kolkata Knight Riders at Chidambaram stadium, Chepauk in Chennai. The way CSK stormed to the finals with amazing individual innings from Murali Vijay, Captain Dhoni, Suresh Raina, Michael Hussey, S.Badrinath, Ravindra Jadeja, Albie Morkel, R.Ashwin, Ben Hilfenhaus and each and every player of the team working collectively and in such a way that it was indeed a team sport unlike many teams semi finals at the least which speaks a lot about the character of the team and the support staff and the captaincy thats inexplicable.

Chennai rocks to the core! Love you MSD :) LOVE YOU CSK!!! YOU GUYS WERE AWESOME.......TREMENDOUS AND WILL REMAIN THE BEST COME WHAT MAY!!!

Overdose!

There are many things in life whose overdose does not make you upset but does not generate happiness either. They bring a smile that are more stupid and sheepish than particularly lovable and you wonder if thats the case with other people too. After all, you are not supposed to go through all of it alone!

In the beginning, it could be taken as just a frame of mind where the brain automatically tends to reproduce what we are thinking and wanting to think about. Constantly, a kind of filtering that happens where one goes on hearing and seeing things that consciously become a part of the person's environment because that is what the person has been thinking and deliberating about for much of the day.

But when those initial coincidences turn into everyday realities that become a part of your environment, of your life to such an extent that even without thinking about that particular thing, person etc, you are exposed to incidences that urge you to start thinking all over again then there is really something wrong!

No matter, how hard you try to ignore and stop telling yourself that everything is just an illusion and work of your uncontrolled imagination but too many signals, too many so called coincidences and too many instances just make you feel terrible and helpless because neither you can acknowledge those feelings nor you can deny them, neither you can confide it nor you can hide it!

Overdose of particular incidents and places, names, connotations and references over a period of time just hint at something which is not only hard to define but even more complicated to understand. When everything in a nutshell just takes you back to memories and filmy style flashbacks, you don't really know how to act and react. No associations of good and bad count because overdose just makes your jaw drop, wonder and feel....nothing more, nothing less!! Period.

The times that are hard to forget………..

DEAR LIFE!

THANK YOU! These two words together define your importance that has made me what I am today……. What I have got today………what I have lost and still moved on with a smile……..a lot of things that are hard to resist……definitely……these were and are times that are hard to forget!

Few days after I was born, I left my native place to come to New Delhi and it is been 20 years now that I have lived here.  I cherish those moments when I used to travel in trains during peak summers to reach south of India in the vacations…memories that have become hard to forget! I used to play with my cousins, visit distant relatives and enjoy royal treatment in the name of ‘Delhi ’ (yeah ! Trust me, Delhi used to or in my case still holds an equal footing as to the Americas). The laughter, those cries, those jealousies, those gifts that surprised, those blessings that remain are memories that are hard to forget! I grew up meeting people and making friends, sharing my life, that is, you with them, listening to their stories, creating new ones that are hard to forget. The feelings of accomplishment, awards and appreciation through school years, the teachers under whom, there are special times spent are beautiful memories that are hard to forget. The dreams of pursuing success and the entry into College went hand in hand and the wonderful time that went by, are definitely hard to forget! An unexpected trip with friends from College to an Ashram in Rishikesh changed the way I perceived relationships and that gave me an unexplored angle of myself that is hard to forget.  I started believing more in myself and a mystique power of the Almighty that continues to pave the way of my future…..times that are hard to forget!  For, a Journey that’s just reached a milestone of 20, hoping and wishing for more and more times that are just hard to believe and forget.

                                                                                                  

HAPPINESS IS MOMENTARY

There are some good moments in life which just come into your life for a few seconds and are taken away from you in few other moments leaving you in tears! That is what i experienced this morning as well. Listening to Music when the mind stops working is one of my favourite past time but my Dad thinks that listening to music is wasting time and not doing work. Oh really? The way he said that......really hurt me! I don't like my parents telling me that i don't do my work ......or what has been assigned to me! Infact, they end up spoiling the mood, so enchantingly created by the soulful music!

What do they think? I don't have any responsibility? I don't have any heart to do work? Or do they think that making me sad means peace?

It just hurts to know that you get to hear every taunt and scolding even when you are doing their work and not yours actually! You get up early in the morning.....yes trust me, i got up early, to do my dad's work and even then You get to hear only the bitter part. :( :(

Thats not all. He then called me USELESS.....yeah......after all am his dear daughter!!! <3 pa!

REMINDERS

There are some, there are many
people who cross our paths, rainy or sunny!
Some are always there for us, others are just there,
appreciating our true self,while others just stare!

Even when phone contacts are many,only
few connect, what an Irony!

A reminder to remember not just birthdays,
put one to emotions that sways!
To make you realise, how imperfect you are,
without me near and the end far! :):) ; )

LIFE IS WHAT WE WANT!

How momentary life is......how unpredictable life is.........how unimaginative life is...........how life takes new twists and turns to actually deceive the person living it.
I always thought about life like this but recently a tragic incident with my clssmate and friend really reaffirmed the terrible fact of life. She ended up losing her elder brother who had gone for a trip to Goa and had drowned in the waters along with all of his friends and this came as a shocking news to all of us, so imagining her and her family's state right now.....is actually frightening. Its very sad that a chirping and 'living life to the fullest' kind of girl is facing such a situation like this. All my condolences to her and her family for their irrepairable grief.
That makes me wonder how life is not possible unless we pass through such times and the kind of strength required to bear these pains.......am so inquisitive to think whether only such things add colour to life and define life? Then why to give us a loving family and people around us when we all have to go somewhere far that we won't come back again giving only grief and pain to our loved ones? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I do believe in God but these things make me believe that God needs to be kinder to people and God needs to be gentle to those parents and the family which has to bear the brunt of the unimaginative loss! Atleast young people should not be dying like this! I still can't come to terms with the fact that just a few weeks back, she was talking about her brother with much pride and now everything came to an end so abruptly, bluntly! Its really unfair to us, humans! God, Please listen to us.............Don't play these cruel games to us! Even after, what you say about life, death and soul in the 'Srimadh Bhagwat Geeta', i just want to say that the void in life that is created when we lose our near and dear ones, is not possible to be filled in by anyone........and so please, Don't take our loved ones away from us.........they have a RIGHT TO LIFE AND LIBERTY, afterall...............please!!


A SINCERE REQUEST!