"But" talks.

Photo: Anindita

Me: "Woman. Freedom. Write. Love. Parents. Society. Religion. Caste. Stories. Sleep. Travel. Relationships. Career. Job. Money. Life. Independent."

"Okay? That's all?"

"Naah. There is so much more."

A typical conversation in my head, each day. I ask myself, "Whats wrong?" 

The confusion, the expectation, the unknown destiny, the individuality? Thoughts are all over. There is a path that I want to travel, but there comes a "but". There are dreams I want to live, but there comes a "but". There are stories I want to create and nurture, but there comes a "but". A "but" takes away so much. Why cannot people understand, it hurts to be in the "but" category? To not own up something that is so close to heart, all because of a "but". This word is literally killing so many hopes. 

For all the crazy souls reading this right now, thinking "try it with a butt then". Probably, I could. "But", I am serious right now, you see. 

Photo: Jazzy J

Why to live a life where conditions take away the living? 

Santa comes calling much before Christmas!

Its difficult to justify thoughts. It is difficult to understand certain things and why they happen? It is difficult to be patient for a long period of time and then realise that the patience is still there but the terms have changed. It is difficult to make peace with the feeling that it is alright to be honest and genuine all the way. It is difficult to keep on wondering about fateful incidents and why they prick so much. It is difficult to contemplate why certain people 'just give you ideas' like none before and then laugh all the way. 

Photo: Jayashree

It is difficult to accept change and certainly when it comes calling in an unexpected way. I never thought an evening could really make me think differently than the way I have thought for the last few years. Laughter is a gift and a good company certainly provides it in abundance. It does not mean, my wait has ended, it means that I know a person who can tell me what to think and why to think in a certain way and let me stay, like me.

It is difficult to have people who read your mind everytime and I am thankful to have some around me these days. It just tells you how much you have held back from the fear of non-acceptance, non-acknowledgement and what not. It is difficult to find people who match your so-called wavelength and your way of thinking, or atleast seem to try and understand. Yes, weird ideas do not easily find acceptance but then I have always loved fairytales not for the fact that they were simply beautiful romantics but for the way of imagination and narration. 

Photo: Jayashree, Chandigarh, December, 2011

There are so many things that we find in common over a long period of time but there are these unbeatable equations that just happen. There is nothing to hide about it, but it still is a treasure to have. 

Photo: Jayashree, Chandigarh, December, 2011

To this Christmas, I wish to declare that I found myself a Santa. Infact, we found each other. A Santa who is there to spread happiness. A Santa who is there to tell you how to move on in life. A Santa who is a simple person at heart. A Santa who knocked on my door much before Christmas and has given me reasons to cheer for the times to come. 

A Santa who talks less and in monosyllables and so is an 'intellectual'. 

A Santa who has always been a fighter and so remains the 'hero'. 

A Santa who loves to vanish like Mr. India (Anil Kapoor starrer 1987 Bollywood movie). A Santa who is so down to earth in the times that are hard. A Santa who shall and will remain close to heart, even if the Santa moves to a new home, new town and a new land. 

Merry Christmas! Let all of you get such crazy, fun, likeable and wonderful Santas. 

P.S: My Santa has been working so hard that he forgot to eat and now has reduced so much! 

So, starting this Christmas, Santa, you need to have cheese and stuffed sandwiches and tea.

UNDER THE SKY!

IF ONLY, DREAMS WERE TRUE,

IF ONLY, STARS FELL ON EARTH,

IF ONLY, THE EVENING BREEZE MEANT YOUR COMING,

IF ONLY, PLACES MEANT LIVING,

HOW BEAUTIFUL, LIFE WOULD BE UNDER THE SKY!

IF ONLY, YOU LOVED ME,

IF ONLY, RAIN MEANT YOUR TOUCH,

IF ONLY, YOUR DIMPLED SMILES WERE FOR ME,

IF ONLY, WE WERE NOT APART LIKE THE SUN AND THE MOON,

HOW LOVELY, LIFE WOULD BE UNDER THE SKY!

 

EVEN IF HAD DISAGREEMENTS,

IF ONLY, YOU TRIED CROONING ME WITH YOUR AFFECTIONATE EYES,

IF ONLY, YOU EXPRESSED THROUGH HUGS AND KISSES,

A WORLD AWAY FORM ‘SORRYs, THANKYOUs AND PLEASE’ COULD BE LIVED FOREVER,

IF ONLY, DISTANCES DID NOT MATTER…

HOW WONDERFUL, LIFE WOULD BE UNDER THE SKY!

IF ONLY, WE COULD BOTH UNDERSTAND

EACH OTHER’S HEART AND THEIR RHYTHMS

IF ONLY, WE COULD STAND BY EACH OTHER

IN HAPPINESS AND IN PAIN, IN STRUGGLES AND SUCCESSES

HOW DRAMATIC YET ‘FULL OF US’, LIFE WOULD BE UNDER THE SKY! :) :)

Staying away!

One of the most difficult things in the world is to tell yourself to stay away from a whole lot of things in life...and sometimes...life itself! A dream telling you to stay away from reality, Images telling you to stay away from illusion, mind telling you to stay away from stranded thoughts, the waves telling you to stay away from the obvious threat, a rainy and chilly morning telling you to stay away from work , and happiness telling you to stay away from a dreamy land and then there is certainly a constant tussle between heart and mind telling you to stay away from a distanced sweetheart!

I would not mind accepting that i am in one such confusion, a confusion that is hard to solve and infact, i don't want a solution because, at first glance, this confusion is much better than what the reality might await! It is strange, how at some point of time, i feel like staying away and it feels as if I am away from my own self, as if, It is not me but someone else at my place. 

 

These words might not make much difference to the world that I am in, but I am sure that they will make a mark where its due!

'Stay away' has not been asked for but then there is the constant turmoil inside that tells you to stay away and when you try doing that, it makes you realise, there is no way that makes staying away easier!

Let there be light soon!

Its a long wait!

An open letter that talks about a wait that seems longer as an important milestone of my life's journey is approaching and yet i do not know, what you think about me!

Yes, its a long wait! I have been waiting!

to hear a story that has been going on with you, far far from me, a story of your life that means so lot to me! A story that means all the more special when it comes from you, a story that needs to be told by you and you have kept me waited all this time, never told me what it is that you need to share but you haven't.

Do i value so less?

Don't take me wrong, its a wexed heart that speaks like that even when the love is still there. Many call it blind and unrealistic, still i manage to value it because i understand that this is love, may be not at its best but still, it is love!

Atleast give me an answer to those times we shared together, i value each and every moment that you made me realise my own worth, i really wish, you think it over just like i do each day, each hour, each second. I said, am waiting, yes, i am still being patient, but your reciprocation is highly needed because i feel the pain of a distance that was there never before and i ought to know the story of this distance from you and that is why, i wait, all the more!

Understand, life is wonderful when i have you with me in our very own space, that space has a story, it wants to share with you , so your presence is all the more needed! Understand, a beating heart that loves to hear from you, your stories and the silence that follows them. Understand, life is all about story-telling and it means a whole lot more when the narrator is You! Understand, the wait of a smile that comes to my face only when you have a story to tell! Understand, time is precious and a loving request from my heart's story that begs you to spend it with me!

                                                                                                        

Wait....wait.....and wait for a story of a lifetime!   A longing to be with you forever and ever, a heart and soul that beats for you!

 A loving wait!!!