Bindi binded; family bonded!

Finally! Sitting down to write. Writing, something for my self and not for completing numerous assignments!

Well, Facebook provokes thoughts and here, I am with one of them. I read a comment saying that how putting 'bindi', the traditional Hindu way of not keeping the forehead empty is actually a matter of debate between the younger and older generations.

The older people want their daughters and girls in their homes to wear a bindi whereas the girls/women do not prefer to wear them especially with jeans or western wear. Where do I fit in this? 

Well, belonging to a TamBrahm (Tamil Brahmin) community, my parents and other relatives have always scolded me for not putting a bindi. I never used to listen. Until, I found out that what I put on my mother's insistence, actually has turned out to be a distinguishing characteristic of my personality.Using a sharpened end of a 'kajal' pencil, putting the 'ornamental dot' in the centre of the two eyebrows, has now actually become a style statement, a part of my identity and ofcourse, brings happiness to my parents' faces. 

Traditionally, considered to aggravate a major nerve point in the body responsible for 'concealed wisdom' and contain all experience in totality, this part of the human body has a special bond, either with understanding the essence of some cultures or fashioning a new style.

'Pichala Janam'!

Title courtesy- Aman Dua urf Peace!

The last few weeks have given me a dimension to life that i have known but not explored much, the concept of 'Pichala Janam' or past lives that supposedly define the life we are currently living.  Books like Brien Weiss' Many lives, many masters talks about past life regression therapy which has been found to cure phobias, current life medical problems and many unidentified yet prolonging syndromes!

                                                 
The book shares the author's uncanny experiences in a very simple way but the new insight has given me a look into my own current life and i have started wondering more about the people who were, are and might be coming and their imporatnce in my life, the lessons they made me learn, the way they shaped my life and why some of them left so early and without a trace are questions plaguing me for a while now! I really wish i had answers to why, what, how, who, which and when!

Family, friends, love were all strangers at some point of time, then how did they become so familiar? How did we get into their lives which affected our life too? Where are still others who have disappeared? And why some appear again and again? Why some manage to give sweetest and warmest memories while others leave a sour taste? Why some understand us so well when others don't? Why some are lucky to get away with their wishes and others have to fight hard?

The only conclusion that i draw of this vast topic is just live your life in the most simple way, loving everyone who comes into your life, following the correct order of things and earning respect in your endeavours! That is how i see it atleast as of now!

Surely, we have met before? Ain't we? You remember?

How i ought not to be!

Its a pain that has been there all my life, a story that has been never towards happiness but survival, a part of my life that i ought not to respect but i cannot throw it away!

Yes, i feel jealous when i see happy families, loving couples leading a beautiful life with minor tiffs that just are a part and parcel of life and indeed are important for all the relationships to work forever. I feel neglected when i see children calling 'Home sweet home' with a content family, a doting father and an independent and loving mother who shower all the love if not money.
I have got time from my parents, but what is the use? They never have given me a space that i call our own. I am not allowed to speak whatever comes into my mind, there's no open forum that many of my friends and their families have. Yes, i love my parents, but its more out of respect and duty towards them as the only child of the family, their only daughter.

                                                                              

OKAY, may be i was at fault that i could not have the love i see in other families but what about their own? Between them? There haven't been one single day that they haven't fought or have not criticised each other, whether as an individual, man v/s woman, or simple daily incidents related to cooking, eating, going out and what not. They don't need a reason to start a fight, a reason of not making a coffee early in the morning, has my appa with extreme tempers even while amma does not feel well. If a day goes without fighting, expect it to be the lull before the storm. I have always imagined a time when there would not be any fighting, any violence, prayed to thousands of lords and gods and goddesses in all the temples, even at my place, even begged both of them to stop it atleast for my sake, but the time when they say, they will be happy only if one of them goes away forever, either 'death' or divorce or mutual separation after i am settled is a thing that has never let me settle in what most people call, 'Home sweet home'. Every day, i get up with a thought that please, let everything be alright, happy and healthy but i tremble with fear and helplessness when mornings begin with fights that start for the sake of it! There have been very few days in a month where i get up with a smile and an assurance that they would be happy with each other even if they are not happy with me.


One of my greatest desires in life is to see both happy, healthy always and caring towards each other, without unwanted shouts and violence that seems to have no boundaries but alas, no luck, nothing seems to work.
From the time, i began to understand the world, i dreamt of a perfect family, but i have a family that is next to imperfect, i have no issues, i am happy, i just want them to respect each other if not LOVE!

So, i know for sure, how i ought not to be and i desire a life partner, not a life threat. I await a life full of happiness and true promises, a home that i can call my very own, a life that i can share with no fears and tears!