'I tell you, these kids!'

Come home kids! Taken: Jazzy J, Deepavali, 2012

They don't talk if they are angry with each other. They fight over TV shows. They sulk over the smallest of issues and gossip over the big. They start with their daily rant in the early mornings and continue them till night. They love to pull each others' leg and wait expectantly for my reaction. Each of them wants me to be on their side. This tug of war continues each day and every minute. 'I tell you, these kids at home'. 

Growing up! Taken: Jazzy J, July 2013

They love to make me do things. They talk to me about maturity and show nothing of the same when necessary. These kids at home blow up issues and see everything from one perspective; which is their way of seeing. They give me scores of reasons to shout and then complain how I have changed over time. They want to know everything and when I start telling them everything, they drift away to other "important" stuff. 'I tell you, these kids'.

Sometime dark, sometimes light! Taken: Jazzy J, July 2013

They make me feel wanted one moment and act as strangers the very next. They think of me as a grown up  when they want to and then make a mockery out of my grown up life. These kids simply put the words in my mouth and then enjoy rolling the strings. They seem to love waking me up in the middle of a nap to ask for a random number. They are head over heels in love with the flocking guests but don't like their everyday neighbors. They give me some reasons to smile and plenty of reasons to imagine Hitler personified. 'I tell you, these kids'.

And before, I know or can say anything, time passes away and they grow up in front of me. I can only cherish those memories and they see shades of themselves in me. 26 years of togetherness is a wonder and the yield is me. 

Meet the kids! :) Taken: Jazzy J, July 201

 'I tell you, these kids', are my Amma and Appa (Mom and Dad) who happen to see me grow up each day while, I happen to see them grow the other way. 

Arranged 25 years ago- A wedding!

There are many people in life who matter a lot but there are very few who matter the most and AMMA and APPA make it to the top of the list, just by being there always, caring, worrying and loving me in their own ways!

On the eve of 25 years of their married life, i feel a bit of amazement, wonder, and happiness and even a sense of bewilderment, considering they managed to keep the wheels of the cart of an arranged marriage going despite their constant fights, over expectations of each other and disappointments, their opposite natures and a 'superfluous happily married life' that has had more share of low patches than happy moments. A marriage that seems to survive now because of a duty towards a daughter, born after lot of prayers and hymns to all dieties across temples as surprising as it seems, is a reality they deal with and in that reality, they constantly try to keep going with a lot of speed breakers that no longer make any difference simply because, another four letter word has seemed to replace a much significant word.

www.google.com

DUTY has replaced LOVE. Or did ever love happen at the first place? Am i hallucinating too much or simply taking them for granted? These and many such questions have plagued me for a long time now, growing up has been tough but still, they have been wonderful parents, no matter what! THANKYOU does not make sense, as Amma says even now, '' why are you thanking me? There is no thankyou between a mother and her daughter'' yet, i feel obliged that inspite of a so-called 'marital discord', you both have been there!

On the morning of 21st August 1987, two people got married with a lot of dreams and expectations of each other. Those times have changed such that those dreams and expectations hold no meaning anymore. There is no love lost between them. However, they have managed to find me....only if they could have truly found each other, i could have surely seconded 'matches are made in heaven'.

A WRITING ON THE WALL?

Life gives you everything but not what you need the most. "HAPPY SILVER JUBILEE? " Period.

How i ought not to be!

Its a pain that has been there all my life, a story that has been never towards happiness but survival, a part of my life that i ought not to respect but i cannot throw it away!

Yes, i feel jealous when i see happy families, loving couples leading a beautiful life with minor tiffs that just are a part and parcel of life and indeed are important for all the relationships to work forever. I feel neglected when i see children calling 'Home sweet home' with a content family, a doting father and an independent and loving mother who shower all the love if not money.
I have got time from my parents, but what is the use? They never have given me a space that i call our own. I am not allowed to speak whatever comes into my mind, there's no open forum that many of my friends and their families have. Yes, i love my parents, but its more out of respect and duty towards them as the only child of the family, their only daughter.

                                                                              

OKAY, may be i was at fault that i could not have the love i see in other families but what about their own? Between them? There haven't been one single day that they haven't fought or have not criticised each other, whether as an individual, man v/s woman, or simple daily incidents related to cooking, eating, going out and what not. They don't need a reason to start a fight, a reason of not making a coffee early in the morning, has my appa with extreme tempers even while amma does not feel well. If a day goes without fighting, expect it to be the lull before the storm. I have always imagined a time when there would not be any fighting, any violence, prayed to thousands of lords and gods and goddesses in all the temples, even at my place, even begged both of them to stop it atleast for my sake, but the time when they say, they will be happy only if one of them goes away forever, either 'death' or divorce or mutual separation after i am settled is a thing that has never let me settle in what most people call, 'Home sweet home'. Every day, i get up with a thought that please, let everything be alright, happy and healthy but i tremble with fear and helplessness when mornings begin with fights that start for the sake of it! There have been very few days in a month where i get up with a smile and an assurance that they would be happy with each other even if they are not happy with me.


One of my greatest desires in life is to see both happy, healthy always and caring towards each other, without unwanted shouts and violence that seems to have no boundaries but alas, no luck, nothing seems to work.
From the time, i began to understand the world, i dreamt of a perfect family, but i have a family that is next to imperfect, i have no issues, i am happy, i just want them to respect each other if not LOVE!

So, i know for sure, how i ought not to be and i desire a life partner, not a life threat. I await a life full of happiness and true promises, a home that i can call my very own, a life that i can share with no fears and tears!