A conversation that was indeed special!

'Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are?'

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A kindergarden poem that goes like this is a memory that we all hold dear and definitely many such memories form a part of life that we all live and cherish. A part of these wonderful memories are conversations that we tend to have as we are growing up and even after we have grown up to remind us that there is no best thing than to share our experiences, emotions and situations with people who are so dear. It could be family, friends or even acquaintances on a journey giving us good moments that are indeed special.

A life that has no such memories is not worth living and a life where even after such memories, its not shared is even more of a curse because conversations are the best way to bring out the innermost feelings that are always true.

Whether, over a cuppa of coffee or on a social networking site or a simple one-to-one phone or message talk, the sharing of life is indeed a very special way to reinstate the fact about the way we respect and value a part of ourselves, whether it is sweet or bitter, good or bad, beautiful or ugly!

It may just be a conversation but the effect it has on the soul is commendable. The relief it provides is a welcome respite from sorrows that overpower the peace of mind and joys that accompany flashbacks of stories and incidents are even more good memories of life that give strength during testing times.

An ice-breaking session on the first day of school, college, office, or even camps are no less carried out for the same purpose. Conversations matter simply because they are the best ways to get to know the other person and even understand oneself in a much better way. I remember a friend who shared her childhood experience with the whole batch and i could sense a smile that was so unique to her, a kind of enigma that was lost in a world which was not her place, her memories and her life.

A heart to heart coversation after a long time with a dear friend made me realise how badly i had missed those times that we shared and valued. The emotions were mutual but the conversations took us to a part that we generally avoided to talk about and yet we talked about it and got to know the matters of concern.

 

A memory of life that we tend to cherish is about our first love and talking to an elderly person, a friend cum philosopher cum guide with a smiling face and a magnificent aura made me realise how much that love means to me and the invaluable joy that sharing such a personal thing holds. An advise to wait and understand my own self in times when i was close to breaking down made me realise the value that solutions come only when we tend to open up to solve the complex emotions that accompany them.

Just a playful conversation about times to come can also be so close to heart if only we give time and respect the person with whom you had or are sharing your life. Its very important to remember that relations only build up and continue to be strong if given time to nurture and conversations are an inextricable part of the time shared.

So just sit back and start conversing and value each word that matters so lot!

How i ought not to be!

Its a pain that has been there all my life, a story that has been never towards happiness but survival, a part of my life that i ought not to respect but i cannot throw it away!

Yes, i feel jealous when i see happy families, loving couples leading a beautiful life with minor tiffs that just are a part and parcel of life and indeed are important for all the relationships to work forever. I feel neglected when i see children calling 'Home sweet home' with a content family, a doting father and an independent and loving mother who shower all the love if not money.
I have got time from my parents, but what is the use? They never have given me a space that i call our own. I am not allowed to speak whatever comes into my mind, there's no open forum that many of my friends and their families have. Yes, i love my parents, but its more out of respect and duty towards them as the only child of the family, their only daughter.

                                                                              

OKAY, may be i was at fault that i could not have the love i see in other families but what about their own? Between them? There haven't been one single day that they haven't fought or have not criticised each other, whether as an individual, man v/s woman, or simple daily incidents related to cooking, eating, going out and what not. They don't need a reason to start a fight, a reason of not making a coffee early in the morning, has my appa with extreme tempers even while amma does not feel well. If a day goes without fighting, expect it to be the lull before the storm. I have always imagined a time when there would not be any fighting, any violence, prayed to thousands of lords and gods and goddesses in all the temples, even at my place, even begged both of them to stop it atleast for my sake, but the time when they say, they will be happy only if one of them goes away forever, either 'death' or divorce or mutual separation after i am settled is a thing that has never let me settle in what most people call, 'Home sweet home'. Every day, i get up with a thought that please, let everything be alright, happy and healthy but i tremble with fear and helplessness when mornings begin with fights that start for the sake of it! There have been very few days in a month where i get up with a smile and an assurance that they would be happy with each other even if they are not happy with me.


One of my greatest desires in life is to see both happy, healthy always and caring towards each other, without unwanted shouts and violence that seems to have no boundaries but alas, no luck, nothing seems to work.
From the time, i began to understand the world, i dreamt of a perfect family, but i have a family that is next to imperfect, i have no issues, i am happy, i just want them to respect each other if not LOVE!

So, i know for sure, how i ought not to be and i desire a life partner, not a life threat. I await a life full of happiness and true promises, a home that i can call my very own, a life that i can share with no fears and tears!

Its a long wait!

An open letter that talks about a wait that seems longer as an important milestone of my life's journey is approaching and yet i do not know, what you think about me!

Yes, its a long wait! I have been waiting!

to hear a story that has been going on with you, far far from me, a story of your life that means so lot to me! A story that means all the more special when it comes from you, a story that needs to be told by you and you have kept me waited all this time, never told me what it is that you need to share but you haven't.

Do i value so less?

Don't take me wrong, its a wexed heart that speaks like that even when the love is still there. Many call it blind and unrealistic, still i manage to value it because i understand that this is love, may be not at its best but still, it is love!

Atleast give me an answer to those times we shared together, i value each and every moment that you made me realise my own worth, i really wish, you think it over just like i do each day, each hour, each second. I said, am waiting, yes, i am still being patient, but your reciprocation is highly needed because i feel the pain of a distance that was there never before and i ought to know the story of this distance from you and that is why, i wait, all the more!

Understand, life is wonderful when i have you with me in our very own space, that space has a story, it wants to share with you , so your presence is all the more needed! Understand, a beating heart that loves to hear from you, your stories and the silence that follows them. Understand, life is all about story-telling and it means a whole lot more when the narrator is You! Understand, the wait of a smile that comes to my face only when you have a story to tell! Understand, time is precious and a loving request from my heart's story that begs you to spend it with me!

                                                                                                        

Wait....wait.....and wait for a story of a lifetime!   A longing to be with you forever and ever, a heart and soul that beats for you!

 A loving wait!!!